There are days
by ednyadove
Summary: Songfic using Dido's song Thank you. There are days that are just gray, but its the little things that make it worthwhile. J/S


Diclaimer: okay, we all know that the characters from Stargate SG-1 don't belong to me... I am just borrowing them for a little while. I do love how Dido sings and as I was hearing this song, it just formed the idea in my mind... I hope you like!! I am writing this along with my sister... she gets upset when I use big words... so you might find lots of them in here!!

**There are days**

**_My tea's gone cold, _**

**_I am wondering why I got out of bed at all_**

I hit the alarm with my hand promptly sending it to the floor, somewhere within my still sleepy mind I know that I am going to have to buy a new one later on. I burrow deeper into my covers not quite awake. I don't really want to open my eyes, because it will bring reality back. It is safer under the covers, I don't have to think, I don't have to do, and I don't have to be...

The smell of coffee permeates towards my room and its strong smell reaches my nose even under the covers...

Well, I can't spend the rest of my day in bed as much as I would want to. The Colonel would not be happy if I am late for the briefing. I just know this is going to be one of those days. I hate Fridays.

I roll out of bed cursing the world as it swirls out focus.

**_The morning rain clouds up my window and I can't see at all_**

**_And even if I could it'd all be gray,_**

I walk slowly to the bathroom briefly looking out the window and notice that the day is rainy and gray. It seems fitting.

As I try to avoid looking at my face in the mirror, thoughts of our last mission run through my mind. Yet another girl was infatuated with Daniel and I can't help but smile at what Janet's reaction might have been when we returned with Daniel in a stretcher because said girl had drugged him. Of course it wasn't only the drug but the fact that the girls fiancé had tried to beat the crap out of him... that would explain why we had to leave the planet in a hurry and with a few bruises.

I try to smile at the idea of having Daniel wear a paper bag over his head, but the pain in my jaw stops the action. Why do all males hit women right in the face? I wonder if there is a special gene that tells them to do that. I flex my jaw tentatively, still avoiding looking into the mirror. I drop my tank top and pajama bottoms on the floor and walk into the shower. The sound of the water running through my body soothes my soul, and the warmth of the water soothes the soreness of my body.

The images of our escape run through my mind.

The colonel and Teal'c had gone with the Chief of the village for a tour of one of the naquada mines. They were due back any time, when I found out that Kish'Nar was trying to kill Daniel. I found Minar'ryan to ask what was going on and she confessed what she had done to Daniel. I sped towards the plaza, where Daniel was. I found him on the floor bleeding and held captive by Kish'nar... I pushed him off Daniel and tried to talk to him, but he wouldn't listen. I put myself between him and Daniel. I can still hear his angry voice yelling at me...

"Get out of the way woman. He has dishonored me."

"But he didn't do anything. Minar'ryan drugged him!!" I said trying to appease him

"Silence woman, you do not know your place. Remove your self from here or suffer the consequences. You will die with him."

"Sam, do as he says. He means what he says. I don't want you to get hurt." I crouched beside Daniel and smiled at him. "Don't worry Daniel. The Colonel won't let anything happen to us. He will be here any minute with Teal'c and..." and I felt him kick my back.

"Sam!!" I heard Daniel scream.

I turn around and saw him about to kick Daniel again. I lounged at him, and threw him off balance. I landed on top of him and managed to hit him a couple of times, but he was a lot stronger than me. I felt the pain course through me as his fist made contact with my jaw. I lost all thought... in the distance I could hear a voice yelling my name "SAM!!" but blackness enveloped me.

I woke up at the infirmary, intense brown eyes looking into mine. His brow furrow with worry and I smiled at him. He sighs with relief and gives me that smile that he only reserves for me.

"How u doing, Carter?"

"Fine, sir."

"I am glad you are awake Major. Been asleep for 5 hours while we have been busy working."

"Sorry sir. I will try not to let it happen again."

"See that you do Major." his smile brightens. "I'll go get Janet and tell Daniel and Teal'c that you are ok. Catch you later Carter."

"Thank you sir."

I see him walking out the door and this empty feeling returns.

Janet walks in and smiles at me. "How you feeling Sam."

"Like a punch bag." I answered and try to grin, but the pain stops me.

"Easy Sam. Its not broken but it is going to be very sore. I can't give you any medication for now, because what I have conflicts with the naquada in your blood.

"Don't worry Janet. I just want to go home and rest."

"I am sorry Sam, but you have to stay here for monitoring. You were out five hours..."

"Look Janet, I'll stay in the base, just let go to my quarters. I'll be fine. I just want to be by myself. Please Janet."

"Okay Sam. But I want you in here at 0900 hours for a check up."

"Janet, please tell the guys that I need to sleep and not to bother me. I..."

"Don't worry Sam. I'll talk to them. Now go and rest."

"Thanks Janet."

Janet turned to leave and as she walked out of the infirmary, I removed my self from the bed. Thankfully, they hadn't removed my clothes, so I just walked out of the infirmary toward the locker room. I took my street clothes and dressed quickly. I just needed to leave.

I walked fast and passed the many checkpoints. I was grateful that I hadn't come in to the mountain on my bike. As I slid into the seat of my car I hear the beginning drops of rainfall. Silence reign as I drove home broken only by the swish of the wipers. But I was not listening. I was not really thinking, not really aware. I just wanted to forget.

**_But your picture on my wall_**

**_it reminds me that it's not so bad, it's not so bad_**

I walk out of the shower towards my bedroom and find my clean BDU's. I put them on minding the many bruises covering my body. It seems that Kish'nar had gotten quite a few hits in. I walk out toward the kitchen. I pour myself a cup of coffee and look at the clock. It is barely 0700 hours. I take my coffee with me to the living room and I sit on the couch. My eyes automatically look up towards the mantel above the fireplace at the display of pictures of times gone by, moments in time that seemed so long ago. A tear falls down my cheek, unchecked, unstopped, unnoticed.

There is a picture of Cassie and Janet taken during Cassie's first Birthday here on earth. There is a picture of my Father and Mother on their wedding day. There is a picture of Mark and his wife with their two kids. Then there is a picture of SG-1... taken by Janet during one of our many picnics. Celebrating Daniels return to the team. We are all smiling, and there is a sparkle to our eyes... I can see how Janets fingers are intertwined with Daniels, Tealc's silent support, a small smile playing on his lips. General Hammond with a soft smile on his lips, like a grampa watching his grandkids play... and then there is Jack, my Colonel. He is smiling. His eyes are twinkling with mischief and I can't help but wonder what he was thinking at the moment. I look to his side and see me looking at the camera, with a quiet smile on my face, distracted... Having him so near affects me that way. I just wished...

I shake my head and regret it the moment that I do, because the world has started to swirl on me.

**_I drank too much last night, _**

**_got bills to pay, my head just feels in pain_**

Damn, I didn't know that drinking that tequila that Janet gave me for my birthday was going to leave me this hangover. I have to ask Janet where she got that. She is not going to be happy when she finds out that I disobeyed her orders. I looked at the clock and realized that I had been thinking for a while. It was time to go back to the base.

I took my jacket and the keys to the car. I walked out the door and the grayness of the day covered me. It fit my mood perfectly, it seemed that the skies were grieving for me, with me and about me. I just knew it was going to be one of those days...

**_I_**_ **missed the bus and there'll be hell today, I'm late for work again**_

**_And even if I'm there, they'll all imply that I might not last the day_**

Well getting stuck in traffic was not part of the plan, but then again, what did I expect on a day like this. I should have just stayed in bed. Air force be damned, and yet here I am on my way to a debriefing that should have started thirty minutes ago. The General was not going to be happy, especially if he found out from Janet that I left base. I knock at the door quickly and enter the debriefing room. I notice that Janet and the rest of my team are there. Jack looks very upset, and Janet looks very worried.

"Major, I do hope that you have an explanation." Asked Hammond, surprisingly not upset. "You were ordered to stay in base to be monitored by Doctor Frasier. We tried reaching you to make sure that you were all right. Your cell phone has been turned off all this time. And it seems that your answering machine is full."

"Sir, I will gladly accept responsibility for my actions. I am sorry to have worried you. It was not my intention. I just needed some time to myself."

"Major, you are on downtime along with you team mates. I want you off the mountain no later than 0600 hrs. Is that clear? If you don't follow this order, I will have a couple of airman to escort you personally off the base. Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes sir."

"Very well. Enjoy your two weeks down time. Dismissed."

Jack stands up and walks out the door without looking at me. I can't help but feel the pain.

"Sam? Are you ok?" I hear Daniel ask.

"Major Carter, we are concerned for your well being."

"Sam, you shouldn't have left like that. We were all so worried that something might have happened to you."

"I am sorry you guys, I didn't mean to worry you."

"Sam, you are not alone. You have us. We will be here whenever you need us."

"Thanks Daniel. Thank you guys. I know. It's just that things... everything got to me all of a sudden. But I'll be fine." I smile weakly trying to reassure them.

**_And then you call me _**

**_and it's not so bad, it's not so bad_**

"Hey Carter! Watcha doing?" his voice soft and even.

"Just finishing some things before I head home. Sir."

"Well, Carter, I just stopped by to say bye and to wish you a good two weeks downtime."

"Thanks sir. Going fishing?"

"Sure, you betcha." He smiles at me and I can't help but think that things can't be too bad if he keeps on smiling at me like that.

"Carter?"

"Sir?" I know there are things that want to be said, but he doesn't have to. I know, and although that knowledge keeps me going on days like this. The pain still lingers that there can be nothing more. Just brief moments, smiles; looks that promise relief that will never come.

I turn around. Its better that I don't see him leave, because if I do I know that I will not be strong enough, "Enjoy your trip sir."

I know he is looking at me as I attempt to work on my report, and then I feel him leave. I know I've hurt him, but it will pass, as everything does.

**_I want to thank you for giving me the best day of my life_**

**_Oh just to be with you is having the best day of my life_**

I shut my lab down. The silence in the halls is deafening. I walk through the checkpoints. And before I step outside I notice the rain falling. I guess the weather won't cooperate. I run through my car and wonder not for the first time if all this pain is worth it. There is barely any traffic as I wander through the streets. Memories of times that have passed assaulting my mind and I find myself wishing for what could be and yet will never come to pass. The loss of love and family, of friends and a normal life, is it worth it? And as I wait for the answer that will never come, I drive unto my driveway.

**_Push the door, I'm home at last _**

**_and I'm soaking through and through_**

I sit on my car a feeling of hopeless that has become all too familiar, surrounds me. Dejectedly I open the door to my car and walk slowly towards my house. I open the door and the smell of food reaches my nose.

**_Then you handed me a towel_**

**_and all I see is you_**

I see him walking towards me, a towel in hand. I wonder briefly if I am dreaming, that maybe I just wished him to be there so much that I am imagining things. It wouldn't be the first time. I feel his hands on my face and then he smiles.

"Go change Sam. Dinner will be ready in a couple of minutes."

"Sir?" I asked

**_And even if my house falls down now, _**

**_I wouldn't have a clue_**

Time stops for a while. There is nothing else but us.

"Go Sam. Its an order." He guides me gently towards my room and pushes me on. I am on a trance. That this is expected is an understatement. I run my hair with the towel, trying to get dry. I don't close the door, because I know he won't look in. I can hear him in the kitchen. I change my clothes to something dry and warm. I find some old sweats and an old t-shirt. I don't need to look in the mirror to know that I look a mess. But it doesn't matter. It never does.

**_Because you're near me_**

I walk towards the dining room and see him setting the table.

"Sir?"

"Hey Sam. Come on its all ready." He smiles and pulls my chair, always the gentleman. I am still not all here. Confused and yet I manage to eat and answer his questions. Polite chatter, nothing important, and yet I feel what he is not asking. It's always been like that. I know I cannot answer. That is what is tearing me apart. The meanings in between the lines, things that should never be felt or talked about and yet they are still there. It is all damn game that I am tired to play.

"Sorry Sir. What did you ask?"

His chocolate brown eyes look at me and the depth of them takes my breath away, I see his lips moving upwards turning into a smile. I watch as he stands from his chair and slowly walks towards me. He pulls me slowly from my chair and leads me to the living room. I follow blindly, like I always do. I know I can trust him. I love him.

**_and I want to thank you _**

**_for giving me the best day of my life_**

He sits on the sofa and pulls me into his lap. I don't resist anymore. I just want to feel peace. For this moment in time I want to be just Sam. Just for now in this dream I want him to be my Jack.

I feel his arms embrace me and pull me towards him.

"Sam." I hear him whisper again my hair.

I turn my body so that I can hold him. I need reassurance that he is here. I can hear his heartbeat, smell his aftershave, and feel his warmth melting the cold away. I close my eyes and savor the feelings; I know reality will creep in later, but for now he is here, only with me.

"Stay." I hear myself ask him.

I feel his arms tightened around me, and I heard him answer, "For as long as you need me."

I hold him tighter.

I stand up from his lap and hold my hand to him. He looks at me for confirmation, and smiles at my nod.

Hand in hand we walk into my room. I pull down the covers and slide into them. I turn to him and see him take his shoes and pants off. He follows my lead and slips into the covers. He faces me and pulls me to him.

"Sleep Sam. I am not going anywhere. I'll be here when you wake up." I see him smile and my fears go away. I feel the tiredness start to take over me. I can barely keep my eyes open and I barely registered his soft kiss on my lips.

**_Oh just to be with you _**

**_is having the best day of my life_**

I woke up to a soft pillow under my cheek. A soft thudding of a heartbeat audible to me, and I cherish the feeling for as long as I can. My mind is no longer gray. I look at his form asleep beside me. Energized, now I can face anything. Now I can keep pretending, that there is nothing there. I can believe that there never will be.

I slip slowly out of his tight embrace and walk slowly to the kitchen. I start the coffee and not for the first time wonder how nice it would be to make his coffee everyday, to wake up to his smile, to have his kids. But reality sets in. I know that it cannot be. I move into the living room and see two small packages in the coffee table, one with a letter saying 'Read me.'

I open the letter slowly not knowing what to expect:

_Sam,_

_I knew you were going to wake up before me. Both packages are for you. Please open the big package first and then the small one. I promise you will understand why._

_--Jack_

Unsure, unknowing and maybe a little scared I opened the big package. It was a copy of the regulations. I held it in my hand and looked at it, the revised regulations. I saw a post-it in the front referring me a certain page. My hand started to shake, and as I read the page, I could barely register its words. It could not be. I must have been mistaken. I re-read them again, and there it was in black and white. There were no more walls, no more obstacles. No more pretending. There was hope.

My eyes move to the other package. It's wrapping simple. I pulled the string that held it together and it revealed a small letter covering a small velvet box. I hold my breath barely. I open the letter in a scrawl that I could recognize anywhere I read his words...

_My Dear Samantha,_

_I am not good at this feelings stuff, but when it comes to you, there is nothing that I wouldn't do for you. I've watched you for years and loved you through all of them. I know that it hasn't been easy, but I know nothing that is worth something ever is. Please marry me?_

_--Jack_

The paper fell to the floor unknowingly. My hands nervous and trembling opened the small velvet box to find a simple gold band with a four stones surrounded by a circle of diamonds. I pulled the ring from its case and notice an inscription. "_Because love conquers all."_

I can feel the tears trailing down my cheeks and I jump when I feel his hand wipe them clean.

"Sir?"

"Sam?"

He looks at me with those deep brown eyes and I can see all the love that I could only ever dream off. I jump into his arms and he crushes me to his chest. I don't know what to say, I fell strange, elated, and unsure.

"Sam, will you marry me?"

I pull my face back and a smile appears in my lips. "Jack, did you even have to ask?"

"I love you Sam and I will be with you for as long as you need me."

"Okay, you'd better be ready to be with me forever." I see him smile and his answer makes me laugh. "Well, we all must make sacrifices."

I can't help but think that this is the best day of my life. He is here. He is with me. What more could I ask for? The world be damned. He is my Jack.

The end.


End file.
